Hangin' Out

I know I find this absolutely adorable because it's my dog.

But seriously ... this IS cute!

Love you Cooper!

Casey & Susie

I'm happy to announce that I'm getting ANOTHER sister through marriage!

Jay's brother Casey is getting married this summer.

Check out their engagement pictures.

Seriously ... could they be any cuter!?!

Congrats you two!

Green Grass

Saw this on my way home from work the other day and had to take a picture.

When I saw this, I chuckled to myself and thought ...

"Who said the grass isn't always greener on the other side?"

"Trees"

Let's be honest.

I couldn't make this up if I tried ...

I help my kids through the lunch line every day.

They get their hot meal, and then I help them make healthy choices (read: vegetables & fruit).

I was helping one of my students through the line today and THIS is the conversation that followed:

Me: Hi sweetie ... what can I get you today?
Student: (pause) Um ... (pause) ... (thinking) ... (staring at the broccoli & cauliflower) ...
Me: What can I get you darlin?
Student: Um ... (thinking) ... (processing) ... (trying to find the words) ... green trees and white trees.
Me: Huh?
Student: Green trees and white trees
Me: (Um yah, I heard ya, but now I'M PROCESSING) ... do you mean these (I point to the broccoli & cauliflower)?
Student: Yah.
Me: Honey, do you know what these are called?
Student: Yes.
Me: What?
Student: TREES!

And really ... how do you respond to that?!?

Progress

This is my view at my desk.

Well, aside from the perspective because my face usually isn't this close to the keyboard.

But it was 2 weeks ago.

I briefly fell asleep at my desk after school.

Anyway, I regress.

So ... do you see a problem with this view?


I'll tell you.

The DAMN Hershey Kisses.

That's what.

I can't stop eating them.

And if I'm being honest - I don't really want to stop.

Yesterday I popped my first kiss into my mouth around 10:30 am.

Classy.

Today, I'm happy to report my first kiss was consumed at 12:15 PM.

I've made it to the PM's!

And that my friends, is called PROGRESS.

I Was Thinking Backwards

Me: What did you guys do over Mid-Winter Break?

Student: I watched puppies being born.

Me: Ohhh ... cute!

Student: It wasn't from my dog but we're getting ready because she is going to have puppies.

Me: Oh, she's pregnant?

Student: No, she's not married yet. She's going to get married THEN have puppies.

Me: Oh, of COURSE!

Silly me.

Spring Shoes

One reason I love this beautiful sunny weather.

I start seeing super cute shoes like these on my kids ...

A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E.

100 Bucks

Yesterday was the 100th day of school.

We celebrated with all kinds of 100's fun.

My favorite activity is a writing assignment where the kids talk about a variety of 100 things.

My favorite question is ...

If I had 100 dollars, I would buy ...

• lots of movies (lots of moovees)
  
• Iphone (I fon)
• two bunnies
  
• a house on the water (a haws on teh wotr) - because why WOULDN'T you!?!
  
• nothing, I would save it until I have 1 million dollars - smart boy
  
• toy video games, ipod and a laptop - really stretching his money here
  
• a helicopter (a helucoptr) - WHAT UP big bawler!?!
  
• a dog (a bog)
• 100 shoes (100 shos) - I'd hate to see shoes that each cost $1
  
• a quad (acwode) - the adventurist
  
• a house (a huse) - do you mean a shack?!?
  
• an xbox game and a kitten
• 100 soccer balls (100 sokrbos)
• a house with my family - he told me his house will be as big as our classroom
  
• dress up and make up (jresup and mackup) - adorable
  

And my personal favorite because it's so stinking sweet ...

A dog, a vase for my mom and a tie for my dad.

A Seven Year-Old's Advice

Student: Mrs. Stookey, has Mr. Stookey ever taught you in P.E. before?

Me: No, he hasn't.

Student: Hmm ...

Me: Do you think he should?

Student: Yes.

Me: Why?

Student: Because I think you might not be very good at sports, and he could teach you.

Nice.

REAL nice kid.

Mindful Thoughts

Two quotes I read this morning.

Can't get them out of my head.

"Give me a tender heart today towards all those to whom the morning light brings less joy than it brings to me." -- John Baillie

"You can't let go of grief. Be fully present to heal it." -- Deepak Chopra

Both of these quotes will sit with me all day.

I have written them on a piece of paper ... and carry them with me in my pocket.

They validate the importance of my own hurt - and remind me to give my own worries perspective.

Date Night

We had my mom over for dinner tonight. Dad is out of town and heaven forbid mom spends an evening by herself.

After dinner, we took a trip to Lowe's. I had the random urge to finally buy light bulbs for a lamp that has seriously had no working light bulbs in it for literally over 8 months.

I also thought it would be fun to paint some walls next week over Mid-Winter Break. Jay has been talking about it for months, and I thought I'd humor his creative ideas and check out the paint section.

My attention span lasted about 10 seconds ... about as long as it took me to feel overwhelmed with color choices and take this picture of color swatches.

After our adventurous trip to Lowe's we stopped at a creamery and had delicious ice cream cones. I my espresso gelato in a waffle cone. Delish.

Afterwards, we went home and I screwed in the light bulbs.

I know. Crazy fun night right?!?

In all honesty, it felt really great to do normal things and take my mind off of heavy stuff for a while.

It was a fun Date Night with Mom and Jay.

P.S. We will NOT be painting over break. :)

My Truth

I am reading the most amazing book right now.

It's called "Miscarriage: Women Sharing From The Heart" by Marie Allen, PhD & Shelly Marks, MS.

I love it so much, I've been jokingly calling it my miscarriage bible.

It is a source of comfort.

And pain.

I resonate with it multiple times per page, and have seen myself in each of the 100 women who bravely and transparently share their miscarriage story.

This book is more appropriately called a workbook for me.

I've cried at nearly every page.

But it's the therapeutic cry.

The cry of "I am not alone in my feelings ..."

" ... I am not fighting this loss on my own ... "

"... There are others who have grieved as deeply as I am."

I'd love to share an excerpt that has brought much pain, yet healing in my journey.

One of the authors speaks of the loss of her baby (which she lost at 12 weeks and named Jamie) She speaks of her pain nearly 15 years after her miscarriage ...

I see that I am still sometimes emotional about my miscarriage, but I am much more at peace about it too. Marie gave me a note about a Buddhist belief in "bodhisattvas" --souls that manifest for someone else's life and lessons rather than for their own spiritual growth. That made me feel so good. It helped explain the loving gift I had received from Jamie's life. With this in mind, I reread a part of my journal in which I said I would give back everything in order to have my baby. I think a part of me still feels this way.

Certainly no earthly thing could replace a child. However, I also now feel that Jamie gave an ultimate gift of love. She gave me her whole life. It was like she said, "I am only here to manifest for a short time and I will be yours and yours alone. No one else will know me as you do. I will come into your life, have an impact, leave a gift, and then I will go." It would seem unfair to Jamie to want more. Asking more of her is impossible.

That last part rips my heart out.

I literally can not read it out loud without crying.

Just like during my divorce, I CHOSE to FEEL. I CHOSE to CRY. I CHOSE to MOURN. I CHOSE to HEAL.

I know that this road is the difficult one.

It's easier to not feel.

To not cry.

To not mourn.

And therefore ... not fully heal.

But if I chose that path, I would not be honoring my intense, deeply painful self.

The self that longs to heal and feel whole again.

And it is that bright future of full healing that I am so excited for.

But until then ... I will power through.

And live in my integrity.

My true self.

My truth.

Rough Winter

We had a rough winter.

First we had a miscarriage that sent us into a tail-spin for quite a few months ...

Then while in full-on head spin, my Grandpa passed away.

A dark, invisible cloud has been looming over my head for a long time.

A deep sadness of grief and the fear of more death.

It has paralyzed me.

Mr. Panic and Mrs. Anxiety returned to my life.

I'm starting to come out of it.

I have started seeing my counselor again.

I have taken small steps towards healing.

Reading lots of books.

Crying endlessly.

Allowing myself to be sad.

To feel and mourn my losses.

To be okay.

To sit with the feelings.

Took our ultrasound pictures down from the cupboard and moved them to the side of the fridge yesterday.

Feels like a huge step that physically seems so small.

But feels so, so big.

There are obvious signs of disconnect in our home.

Our house needs cleaning.

There are piles everywhere.

There are stacks of magazines and books unread.

I had the strength to take down our outdoor Christmas decorations during the New Year -- I guess I wanted the outside world to think everything was normal.

But today, February 7th, we are both finding the strength to take down our indoor Christmas decorations.

The nativity scene remains.

I don't have the heart to take it down.

Not yet.

It's a step I'm not yet ready for.

I'll know when it is.

And I'll put the figurines away in their proper boxes.

And I'll cry.

And I'll mourn the death of my baby.

And that will be one more therapeutic step.

** I am not ending this story here. There is much I want to share, including a few FABULOUS books I want to share and ways to support friends and family who have experienced a miscarriage. There is much to be transparent about in the process. Lot's of grief and pain that takes a LONG time to heal. I can't wait to share this journey with you.

Degrees Of Cleanliness

Lisa (brushing my teeth): It sucks that my sink gets way dirtier then yours does. When I wash my face, my makeup kinda stains my sink.

Jay: I've noticed that when I've cleaned.

Lisa: Do you mean every time you clean? Since I never clean.

Jay: Yes, but I was being nice.

Long Pause.

Lisa: Does it suck that I can live in so much filth?

Jay: Yes. But I'm not much better. I just think I get to a point where I can stand it anymore ... but your "point" is waaaaaaaaaay further off then mine.

Lisa: Yah, I know. Sorry about that.

Long Pause.

Jay: I think there would have to be a dead animal laying in our house with flies hovering over it in order for you to notice that the house needs to be cleaned.

Lisa: Easy.

Jay: I'm being serious - I'm thinking either a dead animal on the floor or poop in your sink.

And thus ends a shining example of a Stookey conversation early in the morning.

Mature much!?!

Lake Chelan

My parents bought a time share condo in Chelan and we just spent our first weekend there.

I took a Personal Day on Monday and stayed a day longer.

Because really ... who wants to wake up to this view every day ... and then drive home ...

What Is A Workout?

I'm working out again.

Yep.

Trying to get my pregnancy weight off before I get pregnant again and using it as a healthy tool to release some of my anxiousness.

Sounds smart.

I read this the other day and I just LOVE it ... I think of it every time I work out (because let's my honest, staying ON the elliptical is HARD!).

What Is A Workout?

"A workout is 25% Perspiration and 75% Determination. Stated another way, it is one part physical exertion and three parts self-discipline. Doing it is easy once you get started.

A workout makes you feel better today than you were yesterday. It strengthens the body, relaxes the mind, and toughens the spirit. When you work out regularly your problems diminish and your confidence grows.

A workout is a personal triumph over laziness and procrastination. It is a badge of a Winner, the mark of an organized, goal oriented person who has taken charge of his or her destiny. A workout is a wise use of time and an Investment in excellence. It is a way of preparing for life's challenges and proving to yourself that you have what it takes to do what is necessary.

A workout is a key that helps unlock the door to Opportunity and success. Hidden within each of us is an extraordinary force. Physical and mental fitness are the triggers that can release it.

A workout is a form of Rebirth. When you finish a good workout, you don't simply feel better, you feel better about yourself."

- George H. Allen
Chairman of the President's Council
on Physical Fitness