Sillyness & Mistakes

Sometimes I'm amazed at what comes out of the mouth of kids.

Sometimes I'm amazed at what comes out of my mouth.

Actual conversations from the last two days:

Setting: First hour of school. I'm teaching the kids about our classroom routines and procedures.
Me: If you go to the bathroom, you need to put the bathroom pass on your desk. That way, if I see that it's on your desk, I know where you are.
Student: Sometimes my mom says, "hey ____, where are you? And I say 'right here mom!' and she says 'oh' because I'm standing right beside her! [insert eye-rolling, laughter & shoulder-shrugging at the same time]" (Jodie ... this one is yours!)

*****
Setting: A 30 second lull during a transition time (I'm not kidding you ... it was only like 30 seconds). One of my students had been extremely disruptive all day and I was done trying the positive-reinforcement route. Time for something more direct. It was the first day of school and I realized there would be no 'honeymoon' period for this student. This charmer was showing his true colors on the first day. During this particular conversation, he was banging around two pencils inside his desk while making 'drumming' noises with his mouth. Disrupting everyone around him, of course. How he found enough time in 30 seconds to find two pencils and create a beat is beyond me.
Me: Are you a drummer in a band or a 1st grader at Cottage Lake Elementary?
Student: A 1st grader at Cottage Lake Elementary.
Me: Then you need to stop behaving like a drummer.
Student: OK.

Ha! The 'direct and slightly sarcastic approach' worked!

*****
Setting: Same student as above drumming episode (see a trend?). Circle Time.
Me: _____, your goal in Circle Time is to keep your hands to yourself. That means do not touch the desk beside you.
Student: OK.
3 minutes later (no exaggeration)
Me: What are you doing? (knowing full-well what he's doing, but let's be honest, I wanted him to tell me because it was too good to NOT hear it come out of his mouth).
Student: Tying myself to this desk.
That's right people ... tying himself to the desk next to him. No joke, he had untied the draw-strings of his sweats and was tying himself to the leg of the table.

I remain speech on this one.

*****
Humiliating Confession:
As a side-note (but not to be taken lightly or overlooked) ... I hit an all-time professional low yesterday.

I lost a kid.

I hesitate to say the exact amount of minutes she was gone before I noticed (in order to avoid embarrassment and to keep as much self-respect intact as possible).

That's right ...

I. Lost. A. Kid.

When I picked the kids up from P.E., she hid from me.

In the gym bathroom.

She slinked in without anyone noticing.

And let's be honest, I'm still trying to remember names on the 1st day ... let alone notice if someone is missing (And who runs away on the 1st day anyway? Save that for a day you're super over-it. Right?!?).

So anyway, she missed snack AND a field trip outside to take pictures of the students' 1st day.

There. That might give you an idea of how long she was gone.

Long story short: she came back (thankfully). Though the entire office staff and [new] principal [read: my new boss] was looking for her.

Great 1st impression for your boss.

To my student ... great 1st impression of you!

I've got you're number sister.

I guess we're even.

*****

OK, that's all for today.

Until tomorrow ... may you not lose your own children.

That's their teacher's job.