Poop On A Stick

This story is really hard to believe.

But I swear to you ... it's true.

I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't experienced it myself.

In the spring of 1992, I did a student teaching practicum for one of my college courses. I had to spend 20 hours in a classroom helping out the teacher and had to teach one lesson towards the end of my 20 hours. Some of the details have faded over time, the other memories remain very clear.

I was assigned to a 1st grade classroom in Helena that was near the college.

On the last day of my practicum, I was to teach my own lesson while the teacher watched. I was super nervous. It was the 1st time 'officially' in front of kids leading a lesson.

I was in charge!

I don't remember what I taught ... but what I do remember is still very vivid:

It was towards the end of my lesson when I noticed a huge fuss towards the back of the room. The kids at the back table weren't listening to me at all. They were moving around a lot and making a ton of noise.

The teacher motioned for me to go back and see what was going on while she took over, finishing up the lesson.

As I approached the table, I noticed that everyone was moving away from one of the boys. They had the look of disgust on their faces.

They were squirming away while saying things like "gross" "yuck" and "ew!"

In my completely 'novice-but-trying-to-act-in-charge-and-experienced' voice, I said, "What is going on back here?"

Boy was I surprised by the answer.

One of the kids pointed to a boy at the table and said, "He has poop on a stick and he's shoving it in our faces!"

Ummm .... what???????

Insert a good 15 seconds of silence while my brain catches up with what I've just heard.

Sure enough, Poop Boy holds up a pencil ... with a circular piece of poop on the end.

Allow me to get the visual picture in your head.

A pencil.

A piece of poop shoved on the eraser end.

A. Perfectly. Round. Piece. Of. Poop.

Formed. And. Molded. Into. A. Sphere. By. Human. Hands.

I could not believe this was happening.

Who does this happen to?

Me! That's who!

Anyway, I said the only thing I could muster out of my mouth (which clearly isn't always the right thing to say, but nonetheless ...), "Where did you get that poop?"

Poop Boy innocently and seriously points towards the back of the room and says, "On the back shelf."

That's it.

I've heard it all.

Can I just skip to the part where I get my teaching certificate now?

Anyway, I make Poop Boy throw away the pencil (and poop) and wash his hands.

I return to the front of the classroom and the teacher whispers to me, "What was going on?"

And now it's my turn.

I innocently and seriously say, "Oh, just some poop on a pencil."

:)

And this is where my phrase "Poop on a stick" comes from.

Sometimes I say it to refer to the weather (which I'm fully aware makes no sense): "It's hotter then poop on a stick."

Or instead of swearing: "POOP ON A STICK!!!!!"

Feel free to use it.

Catchy ... don't cha think?