Screaming Pain

More transparency ... as I heal.

Last night I had a bad scare.

Many of you know that I had a D&C on Wednesday.

I had severe cramping coupled with body-aches after lunch on Saturday and it didn't stop until today.

My abdomen hurt. My legs hurt. My lower back hurt. My neck hurt.

I hurt.

I was really scared.

I had been warned about blood clots and infections and fear had been at the forefront of my mind for days.

I mean seriously ... isn't having a D&C painful enough?

After hours of contemplating "I'm sure I'm not that bad," and "I don't really want to bother them on the weekend," ... I called the on-call doctor last night.

She patiently listened to my symptoms, made sure I didn't need anything stronger for the pain, and then asked me to call the doctor's office first thing in the morning. She thought I was most likely had a clot. They would do an ultrasound in the morning, and if there was clotting, I would have to have a 2nd D&C.

I thanked her, hung up the phone, and sat at the edge of my bed for over an hour.

Crying ... out of sheer sadness.

Praying ... for a healthy body.

Begging ... for a respite from the physical pain.

The shock of having another D&C ripped through my body. I had to do my 1st D&C with very little pain medication since I'm allergic to most of it.

I was terrified to go back in.

I did my best to process this new information ... and went to bed.

I was so tired of thinking. Feeling.

When I woke up in the morning, in an effort to not give Too Much Information ... I'm happy to report that I passed a clot and am 100% cramp/pain free!

I talked to my doctor, she said she didn't need to see me unless I start cramping again.

Thank you God, for healing my body.

My friend sent this to me this morning.

It's a nice reminder.

I wrote it on a piece paper and have held it in my pocket all day:

Do not fear, for I am with you.
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you in my righteous right hand.
- Isaiah 41:10

I am so ready for the physical pain to be over.

I still need to work on all the emotional pain, but it's difficult when your physical pain screams so much louder.