coming clean

i wasn't going to talk about this publicly -

but i've changed my mind.

i have a message i want everyone to hear.

i want you to hear it, really, really clear.

please, please, please, always listen to your gut when it comes to your own health.

a few months ago, i went to my doctor for a reoccurring sinus infection.

while my doctor was feeling my throat for swollen lymph nodes, she noticed my thyroid was very swollen.

she ran blood work.

days later (on field day to be exact), I got my results back: ALL BLOOD WORK IS NORMAL.

i breathed a heavy sigh of relief and cried some relieving, grateful tears.

her recommendation was to do nothing else.

blood was fine, no worries.

check back with her in 3 mo and have blood work retested.

i sat with that news for a few days, but something didn't feel right.

there was SOME reason my thyroid was swollen.

i called my OB/GYN and asked for a referral to an endocrinologist.

a few weeks later, i found myself sitting in a specialist's office.

i could not have been more scared.

so many thoughts ran through my mind.

what was going on with my body?

why was my thyroid so big?

while laying down, staring at the ceiling. and clutching jay's hand for dear life, my endocrinologist did an ultrasound on my thyroid.

i knew something was wrong the second the ultrasound wand slowed on my throat.

pictures were taken.

the room fell silent.

i stopped breathing and began to listen to every small sound in that room.

i didn't dare look at jay's face.

we had been here before, quite a few times, in an ultrasound room.

holding hands, bracing ourselves for bad news as the ultrasound wand ran across my belly.

my results shocked us.

a small cyst on the right side of my thyroid.

a large cyst in my left side.

my doctor slowly explained to us that i have quite a large growth on my thyroid.

a needle biopsy would be necessary to see whether or not the large cyst was malignant or benign.

a week later, we found ourselves in the same room.

the needle biopsy was very uncomfortable.

but the days following were worse.

it hurt to move my neck the first 24 hours after - and it hurt to swallow for days.

each day brought new comfort, but more anxiety.

we left for vacation with jay's family and the distraction of family was such a blessing.

days later, we got a call from my doctor with my results.

so here is where i stand today.

my large cyst is a follicular lesion.

it needs to be removed and tested.

it runs a 20-30% change of being cancerous.

are there worse things in this world?

yes.

am i scared shitless?

you bet.

i'm writing this not for sympathy.

but for awareness.

friends, doctors are NOT all-knowing.

they make mistakes.

i can't stop thinking about how many people would have taken my first doctor's advice ...

... and done NOTHING.

always, always, always listen to your gut.

here is where we are ...

monday brings us an appointment with my endocrinologist to specifically go over my biopsy results (I've only talked to her nurse over the phone).

tuesday brings us an appointment with a surgeon.

i cry daily thinking about the worst-case scenario.

nothing like a HUGE cancer scare to bring everything into perspective, right?!?

love each other well and don't take a second for granted.

i will keep you updated.

until then - LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

i'll keep remembering that the odds are in my favor.