No Title For This One

I don't even know where to start.

I've been crying all morning.

The kind of crying that is loud.

And ugly.

And you're surprised the sounds are coming from your mouth.

Got a text from my friend this morning in the middle of a staff meeting.

I forgot to turn my phone off.

The beeping surprised me.

I grabbed my phone to turn it off.

And saw her text.

I had to leave the meeting because I couldn't push the tears away.

One of the dear, sweet, innocent babies I met in South Africa just got test results back.

Full blown AIDS.

12 weeks old.

My heart is broken.

I can't stop the crying.

I'm so mad.

I am so angry.

I am so, so sad.

And so today I work at my desk, but my mind is with him.

My chest feels heavy while I fight back tears.

I sit in a meeting, but don't listen.

I remind myself to breath.

Because I don't know what else to do.