On Tuesday, we were
that couple.
That couple who gets bad news.
That couples that gets told, "I am so sorry."
The couple who's doctor steps out for a bit of privacy.
The couple who has to make difficult choices.
The couple in so much pain they can't catch their breaths.
The couple who thinks this is a bad dream.
They WILL themselves to wake up.
Who get escorted out the back exit for privacy.
On Tuesday, we found out we lost our sweet little baby.
It was a total shock.
We had already had an ultrasound and left with a clear bill of health.
A healthy heartbeat.
And ever-growing fetus and an ever-morning-sickness mama.
A proud papa.
Hopes and dreams for the future.
Baby names.
Baby plans.
Baby vacations.
Baby books.
In one second, our world came crashing down on us.
When we went in for our routine ultrasound on Tuesday, our sweet little angel was still measuring 6 weeks. And his or her sweet heartbeat had stopped.
Silent.
In the room.
In my womb.
In my heart.
The last 24 hours have been extremely painful.
Medication. Mourning. Sadness. Grief. Medical procedures.
But I'll tell you what else I've felt.
God's loving hand the entire time.
Being lifted by prayer.
Supported by friends and family.
Loved by the tender doctor's and nurses.
I NEVER for ONE SECOND felt alone.
Not once.
I am so grateful for God's grace, strength.
I KNOW I am loved. That my baby is loved. That my husband is loved.
Without a doubt.
I feel peace in knowing that He is holding my sweet baby in his arms.
That I have the most amazing husband ever.
That God gave me the gift of letting us hear our baby's heartbeat before He took him/her into his arms.
We will meet again another time sweet baby-boo.
I love you and I deeply mourn for your loss.
I will never forget the time I helped God create you ... and I thank you for the strength you have given me.
Mama loves you.
P.S. I still think you are a boy. And I look forward to the day I can find out. Until then ... I'm going to live a beautiful life. For you. For me.
Thank you God.
