Autumn

I am LOVING all the colors outside.

Here's one of my recent favorite pictures.

I hope it puts a smile on your face.

Weekend Ridiculousness

I had a rough weekend.

I've randomly slowly developed symptoms of Planter Faciitis.

On Friday, I was in a ton of pain.

I spent the weekend NOT training for my 5k and icing my feet.

Super annoying when you're motivated to exercise and train.

My feet are HUGE, swollen and hot.

I barely fit into my shoes.

Since I apparently needed some icing on my cake, my crown fell off on Saturday, causing me extreme tooth pain.

I spent the remainder of the weekend eating luke-warm soup and drinking room temperature water out of a straw.

I took Monday off to have my tooth repaired.

I am tired & my body feels old and worn out.

I want this valley to pass.

I am tired of being in it.

Don't want to end on a Debbie Downer note.

We also got to see Jay's family this weekend AND celebrate Susie's (my sis-in-law) 30th birthday.

Happy Birthday Sus!

6 Leaves

I was SO EXCITED to see that our Princess Flower only lost 6 leaves today!

Then, like an arrow through my heart,

Jay told me that he vacuumed when he got home this evening.

So essentially, its lost 6 leaves in the last 2 hours.

DANG IT!

I'm killing this thing I tell you.

hummus update

I ate an entire 7 oz. container of hummus today.

Rad.

???

If it was possible right now, I would SWEAR I was pregnant.

I am having SUCH BAD INTENSE CRAVINGS!

I COULD NOT get enough hummus today.

I am a bottom-less pit!

Crazy I tell ya.

The Proof

On Friday, I talked about the high maintenance nature

of our Princess Flower.

Well ... the proof is in the pudding.

We watered and vacuumed under our Princess Flower two days ago.

Here is what I came home to yesterday.

Seriously.

What are we going to do about this problem?

Our Princess flower is suffering from a slow, painful death.

Hmm ...

What does it say about me that I took a Vicodin (due to the dental work done today) and I don't feel ONE BIT different?

I've never taken one before so I don't know much about them.

But seriously.

Should I be concerned?

Or am I like in the control group or something?!?

Money Roll

Booyah people!

Someone turned in all their clock hours and credits today and got a HUGE increase in pay.

Guess who?

Looks like my THOUSANDS of dollars in SPU education may be paying off soon!

It also looks like I'll soon be wiping with rolling in dolla bills ya'all.

Tending to the Flower

Oh, my dear Princess Flower.

Let's talk about this.

The first time we miscarried, I was super worried about what kind of plant to buy.

Everything was symbolic of the baby.

I was so afraid to "lose" it.

Would the plant die?

Would someone knock it over?

Where is the perfect spot for it?

Etc., etc., etc.

This time I was less about obsessing, and more about going with whatever plant "felt" right.

When we saw the Princess Flower, we knew it was the right one.

But let's be honest.

That's before we took it home and started taking care of it.

GOOD LORD!

This plant is HIGH MAINTENANCE.

We've only had it in our possession for 6 days and I'm already over it annoyed.

If you don't water it just the right amount, the leaves get droopy and the flowers look pathetic.

P.A.T.H.E.T.I.C. I tell ya.

This thing is ridiculous.

Also, it sheds like no-one's-business.

I am constantly picking up fallen petals and dried leaves off the floor.

I'm starting to think this plant is less symbolic of a baby ...

... and more JUST LIKE a baby.

Constant cleaning.

Constant feeding watering.

Constant picking up after.

Ugh.

I'm exhausted.

I'm thinking it needs to be put in a time out or go down for a nap until it behaves better.

HaPpY bIrThDaY {jenna}

Today is my bestie's birthday.

She is also my cousin
{lucky me!}

We've been besties our entire lives.

Happy birthday to a woman who is like a sister to me.

I love you so much.

{cold-hearted} confession

i have a confession to make.

if you've never had a miscarriage, you might think i'm totally cold-hearted.

but this is my truth.

every time i found out someone else is pregnant ...

my heart sinks a bit.

because i want it to be me.

this in no way diminishes my happiness for them.

just makes me sad for myself.

a bit of a momentary pity party, if you will.

the end.

princess {flower}

We have found the most beautiful flower for our baby.

We went to Flower World last Saturday and spent the sunny afternoon looking for the perfect plant to remember our sweet Peanut.

This plant was the first one we saw, and we knew it was "the one," though we still walked around enjoying each other's company and the gorgeous weather.

Thank you God for that beautiful afternoon.

Here is our pretty flower.

It's called a Princess Flower.

Perfect for a baby I thought would be a girl.


It's a tropical plant, which blooms the most delicate and beautiful flowers Spring through Winter.


We both fell in love with it the second we saw it.

It's Monday now, and I seem to be left with a hole in my heart.

A longing to hold my babies in my arms.

I continue to grieve and heal.

But each day without our babies is so heartbreaking.

Sure, there are good days.

There are even GREAT days.

There are days I forget for a brief moment, and I don't remember the pain until the calm of the evening comes.

But there are also days like today.

When you feel like you're in a valley.

Where a song brings you to tears.

A thought alters the course of your day.

And you're left with a sadness only you can fill.

But you're not quite sure how.

----

Your mama loves you baby girl.

you can call me professional

I'm pretty sure I'm getting to be a profession chef around here.

This was dinner last Thursday ...

Panko crusted pork chops

(trying to veer away from just chicken and ground turkey)

Spinach & sauteed mushrooms seasoned with white wine vinegar

Dipping sauce made from sauteed shallots, (a little) butter, white wine & fresh lemon juice.

All from THIS cookbook.

DELISH!

Family of Six

I'm loving this new family picture.

I'm feeling very Christmas cardish.

{the flip side}

Oh.

My.

Goodness.

As a teacher, I am TOTALLY loving this post.

Thanks for the giggles.

{out-takes}

We all want pictures of ourselves to look good.

Which is why I took a billion for my blog post yesterday.

Here are a few of my favorites.

School Pictures

A chubby person jumped into my school picture.

Really.

With all the technology in the world, why can't we invent attractive school pictures?

And now it's on my flippin' work badge.

Honestly.

My cousin suggested I just tell people I was chewing a lot of gum
and stored it all in my cheeks for the picture.

Because you know,
it's rude to show your gum.

I think I'll go with that theory.

Check out my Lisa Leonard necklace (love her!),
layered with my Bead For Life necklace.

{delish meals}

I am totally in love with THIS cookbook.

I have tried a ton of recipes, and they're all a huge success.

Each recipe has simple ingredients, are easy to prepare and are packed with flavor.

Last night's dinner was Mini Turkey Meatloaves and
Green Beans with Toasted Almonds.
{my own picture!}

I used multi grain wheat bread instead of white bread inside the turkey loaves.
{but let's be honest, I wanted a little white bread on the outside!}

For lunch today, I ate a turkey loaf on an open-faced whole wheat piece of bread.

Each recipe is easily tweakable for sneaking in more fiber!

This cookbook is also a great gift idea (around $25).

Thank you Jordan for gifting it to me.

This book of COURSE does NOT top MY MOM'S cookbook.

If you're local - let me know if you'd like one.

I have a few for purchase at my house!

Bon Appetit!

proper form

My form is amazing in these action shots.

Let me know if you ever need a Ladder Ball partner.

{untitled}

Found this picture from Jay's brother's wedding a few weeks ago.

Makes me giggle every time I see it.

Not sure what we're doing.

But I'm pretty sure we are very serious people here.

blah day {with no capitals}

today has been a blah day so i'm foregoing all capitals.

this is how i usually type.

i use capitals for my readers so you think i'm a proper typer.

and i'm a teacher.

so you know - properness and all.

anyway, you know when you're sad, you stay away from sad songs, movies, reminders, etc.?

well, i watched The Time Traveler's Wife this morning.

it's a good movie.

but i wouldn't recommend it if you're remotely sad.

or triggered by death {who isn't!?!}.

spoiler alert: in the movie, the couple has 2 miscarriages, and the husband dies at the end.

and well.

that sucked to watch.

so ever since then, i've been in a grouchy, sad mood.

it's all good.

this too shall pass.

just kinda sucks.

i'm fully aware that i am still mourning the loss of our 2nd baby.

i'm not sure how to do it - since the 2nd death kinda blends into the 1st death and just makes that hole feel deeper.

so today i'm watching football with jay, grading math papers, doing laundry, occasionally crying, and allowing myself to feel sad.

pretty sure this is how you mourn.

you feel what you feel, and allow yourself to feel it when the feelings come {serious sentence with a lot of 'feeling' words in it which makes me giggle while typing it}.

in other news, i'm really enjoying reading THIS blog every day.

she's inspiring me to start a new program and make some simple, healthy changes.

training for a 5k starts tomorrow.

starting slowly.

i think this will be good.

A Weighty Theory

My mom has a friend who had a theory.

"When someone loses weight, someone else gains it."

Think about it.

It's true.

This truth came slamming into my face on Thursday last night.

When we took Cooper to the vet in June for his yearly vaccinations, the doc said Cooper was a bit overweight.

That he could afford to lose a few pounds {vets are so picky about weight, aren't they!?!}.

So we stopped giving him treats every 2 seconds and went to the dog park more often.

When Cooper got weighed last night, guess who lost 10 pounds?

And guess where it went?!?

I think I hate this theory.

better ...

Cooper seemed better this morning.

His hip was a bit stiff but he did Down Dog just fine without a whimper.

Down Dog is his favorite stretch - so it broke my heart yesterday when it caused him pain.

Because let's be honest.

Jay & myself have had a rough 9 months.

And honestly - I can't add anything else 'heavy' to my plate.

Like a dog in pain.

So I'm breathing deeper today and really looking forward to a relaxing weekend of cuddling with Cooper.

What are YOUR plans this weekend?

Those Hips Don't Lie {or do they?}

Dr did a full range of motion for his hips and neck as well as checked his spine.

All was fine and he didn't seem bothered by any of the physical manipulations. ;)

We shall see.

Was put on some anti-inflammatory meds and we're hoping he gets better.

That little stinker {Cooper, not the doc}.

It still breaks my heart to see him in the morning.

He's so stiff {and that is SUCH an inappropriate 'that's what she said' joke}.

I hate seeing my sweet little boy in pain.

Sorry ... couldn't resist the joke.

I may have anxiety about Cooper's hips, but at least I haven't lost my sense of humor.

Love My Boy

I am totally preoccupied today.

There is something wrong with Cooper.

He has been limping.

This morning he stretched to down-dog, whimpered, and fell down.

He is favoring his right leg and doing his best to keep weight off his left leg.


He's all I can think about.

I MUST focus today.

I have NO IDEA how you mother's with human babies do it.

We see the vet at 6:45 tonight.

Please pray for something easy like a pulled muscle or something.

He's been as his daddy's house for 2 weeks and plays pretty rough with their dog ... like a bear, they like to stand on their hind legs and bat each other with their front legs.

Maybe he feel over and hurt his hip?!?

I have no idea.

Hard to speculate because I wasn't there.

But I don't like what I see.

My worst-case-scenario us FREAKING ME OUT.

Prayers for my sweet boy.

Love him like a son.

New Ride

{I'm not a fan of posting about material possessions,

but this one is YEARS in the making

and totally deserves a post!}

Jay finally got his dream ride!

I am so proud of him.

He car shops exactly the opposite way I do.

He researches.

And is patient.

It was fun to watch.

Congrats babe.

And I promise I won't talk about how many times I cried on Saturday

because I was so happy for you.

{at least 10}

Sweats & Tomatoes

Let me start this post by saying I am fully aware of how good I have it.

I am married to the perfect man for me.

I am fully spoiled.

Fully taken care of.

Fully loved.

With that being said.

I have something totally irritating funny to tell you.

Poor Jay Someone Who Shall Not Be Named.

He couldn't win this weekend.

We had a date night planned with our good friends Ty & Jordan last night.

We went to Cinnebarre for a movie.

It was the perfect excuse to dress up a bit.

But, guess who decided to "help" with the laundry?

You know, put a load into the washer literally 20 minutes before walking out the door?

Guess who also decided to put EVERY pair of jeans I own {that fit me} into said load?

Any guesses?

To protect the offender's identity, I'll just say it wasn't me.

Or Cooper.

Cooper didn't do it either.

Anyway, I got to wear FREAKIN SWEATS to our fun date night last night.

I was THRILLED about it.

I obviously didn't let it ruin my night, but I may have made jokes about my awesome sweats a few times.

I would also like to point out what a great friend Jordan is.

She came out of her house wearing skinny jeans and adorable new boots.

When she saw me wearing sweats and heard what happened, she ran back into her house and put sweats on too.

Love her.

* * * * * * * * * * *

So now onto today.

Last night I picked the ONLY ripe tomatoes we have from our little garden.

I am trying a new recipe for dinner and need several cherry tomatoes.

Perfect!

This morning I came downstairs to start cooking ...

and guess where the tomatoes are?

Any guesses?

In some one's stomach.

That's where.

And it's not my stomach.

Or in Cooper's either.

See?

He The Offender just can't win!

To make a long story short ...

• All my clothes are clean for tomorrow
• I'm not cooking tonight
• I love my husband ... he has the best intentions and gives me great material for my blog
• I'm not very good at keeping identities private

Favorite Find {blog addition}

All I've done ALL DAY is read THIS blog.

It's hilarious.

And I'm totally addicted.

Like tears-streaming-down-your-face funny.

I am neither lying or exaggerating.

NNV Item

I am totally addicted to these.

You can buy them at Trader Joe's.

The have no nutritional value.

We call that NNV in my family.

But I don't care.

They're too good to quit.

Tricycle Activities

Just a day in the life around our neighborhood.

What did YOU do last night?

Excitement & Tid-Bits

School started yesterday.

I don't mean to brag ...

but oh wait ...

here I go ...

MY CLASSROOM ROCKS!

My kids are so great!

I've been teaching in public schools for 10 years (gasp!) and this is the best start of the school year I've ever had.

And that's saying a lot.

Because I've had a lot of fantastic classes.

I am so pumped about this year.

In related (and some unrelated) news:

• I was exhausted after the 1st day of school. I sat down for the 2nd time all day (the 1st time was when I had 5 minutes to shove my entire lunch down my throat) after the kids left and thought of the real possibility of my heals being bruised. Is that possible?
  
• I went to the store for a bottle of chardonnay last night to have with dinner. And left with 6 bottles instead. Because you know, of the 10% discount :) and well ... it's the beginning of the school year!
• I have cried every day for 4 days straight. My hormones are still all out of whack from my miscarriage and D&C.
• I am purposely blogging about other things because I'm not quite able (emotionally) to write about our last miscarriage yet.
• I had the best hair day I've ever had yesterday. Conveniently, it coincided with the 1st day of school.
• I received a sweet note from a mom in my class wishing me a great 1st day & how excited she is that her son is in my class {she also included a gift card to Starbucks!}. It was the nicest thing a parent has ever done for me on my 1st day of school.
  
• Never underestimate the value & thoughtfulness of a hand-written note.
• I am quickly reminded of how scheduled your bathroom breaks need to be during the school year.
• My new hobby is holding my bladder until recess.
  

Typical

I asked my dad & brother to act casual for a picture.

This is what they gave me.

And then this ...

Classic.

Must run in the family.