When life gets me down,
And drop a f-bomb (because let's be honest - the occasional f-bomb feels really good).
And go to counseling.
I've had a really rough go at it the last few days.
And if I'm being honest - I'd say I've felt pretty beaten down for almost a year now.
I spent my ENTIRE therapy session this morning bawling my eyes out.
I'm not exaggerating.
Very little was said.
I basically cried.
You know when a lot of little things add up and then every time you get another hit it just feels really huge?
That's where I'm at.
I could go on and on about how blessed I am with a wonderful husband & family.
But I don't really feel like it.
Between two miscarriages, a crown that causes me constant tooth pain and falls out every few months, weight gain due to multiple pregnancies in a short amount of time, getting amped on a new exercise program then having it stalled by hurting my feet, nightly icing and massaging of my feet because they are KILLING ME (I've self-diagnosed Plantar Fasciitis), Cooper's hip bothering him & multiple vet appointments, blah, blah, blah.
I feel like I want to go outside and just yell, "ENOUGH" out into the universe.
Heck, I'd yell it to anyone who will listen.
I'll cry mercy, uncle, whatever.
I can't have any other pain on my plate.
My pain is physical and emotional right now and it's really getting me down.
I'm totally glass-half-empty right now.
Which I HATE to write about because that's not really who I am.
But honestly, how much can one person take over such a loooong period of time?
Typically, I'll blog about it - then delete it before hitting the POST button.
But I'm not going to do that this time.
I want people to know that life gets hard and feels REALLY heavy after a miscarriage (or any traumatic event).
Hits feel harder.
It becomes more difficult to juggle all the little things that used to feel easy.
And so maybe I'm just in a slump.
Maybe my hormones are raging because I should start my period soon.
All I know is I'm going to take today as it comes.
And accept where I am right now.
Because that's all we can do.